The best laughs on the .net
A blonde walked into a pharmacy and asked the chemist for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explained to the woman that they didn't sell rectum deodorant, and what's more, never had.
The blonde was adamant and assured the pharmacist that she had been buying the stuff from this shop on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", said the pharmacist, "we don't have any"
'But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asked the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returned with the container and handed it to the pharmacist, who looked at it and said to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatched the container back and read aloud from the container...
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
A young redhead went to see her doctor and told him that her body hurt everywhere.
Wherever she touched caused her excruciating pain.
"That's strange," said the doctor. "Show me."
She took her finger and pushed her elbow and screamed in agony.
She prodded her knee and screamed just as loudly, then poked her head and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor shook his head wisely and asked, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she admitted, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a broken finger."
A blonde pushed her BMW into a garage, and told the mechanic that it had died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he had it idling smoothly. She asked, "What's the story?" He replied, "Just crap in the carburettor." She asked, "How often do I have to do that?"
A blonde was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approached her and said, "Madam, are you aware that I could arrest you for indecent exposure?"
Bemused she asked, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
In horror she looked down and said, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
One sunny day a blonde went out for a walk. She came to a river and saw another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo," she shouted, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looked up the river then down the river then shouted back, "You ARE on the other side."
A motorway policeman pulled alongside a speeding car on the M25.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the policeman wound down his window.
He picked up a megaphone and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"
The American said, "But we were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her licence.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn she rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a while and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she had finished, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note reading, "I have kidnapped your child. Leave £10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the £10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag with the money was the following note....
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another".
HOW TO GET OUT OF WORK
Two factory workers were talking.
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb", answered the bloke.
"I think you need some time off", said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she thought she was going?
"Home. I can't work in the dark"
|This is from my friend BW|