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Cats and Dogs

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180, 181, 182, 183:

8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00pm - OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30pm - OH BOY! MAM! MY FAVOURITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the satisfaction of ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking and almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these vile oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favourite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 766 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware of what I am capable of and to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time it included a burning chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul odour what they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, as he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his confinement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

This is from my friend BW
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